A big blow..

I never wanted to blog about this. I never did. Yet, today i pulled the cord. I had to really let it be said and done with. I could no longer take it. I have been keeping it deep bottled in my heart. I JUST HAD ENOUGH! BECAUSE WE DO KNOW NOW WHO THE REAL CULPRIT FOR MY LATEST HATE TAG. I NAK ANAK DUA PULUH PUN I AM NOT ASKING YOU TO PAY FOR IT! You..I M Sure YOU KNOW who it is too...Come back here and tagged me? seriously what is wrong with YOU? Its not that easy. Its not as easy as you think it is. No! I have never made you out as an enemy. I have nothing against you. All i ever wanted was for you to stop making things hard for me. What do i meant by hard?? Ok here goes, On May 2003, you blogged about my husband. You called him names and then said that he was a woman batterer.. You kept calling him berok. You even made a link Hairulberok(the ex) and if anyone were to click on it, it will then be directed to a monkey website. YOU BROKE OFF WITH HIM ON DEC 2002. You were going into another relationship. And we(hub & me) were going on at that time. Have you not forget about the smses? The sms that you said to him when he sms-ed you that he is with me now and so please stop smsing him( as you kept doing that even after the break up). And what was your reply? Oh diana, the big breast with no brains. I was shocked. And I called you up. Asking you what did you mean by that? You then hung up on me but called me back and told me that if i treat you as a friend, I should break up with him as he was a real bad guy. And when i told you that it was never for you to decide and it was my decision, what happened next. You ended the conversation by calling me names and hung up. VIVIDLY recall that particular day??? I thought it ends there but no. You continued sms-ing me. Calling both Hairul and me names even saying something about his private..you know what.. I kept telling you to end the sms and you never did. You carried on.. until i said to you if you did not stop this sms-ing game at this moment, i shall have it reported as harrassment and you still carried on, until i said you seriously in need of a moral booster. Remember? Then, few months later, we got married. Of course, we kept it from you. For you are of no importance in our life. But few months after our marriage and me was only about two months pregnant with Samuel, you sms-ed him. Yes, with great thoughts. To wish him condolences on the departure of his granny. He said thank you and even told you that hoped you could delete his number and do not sms him anymore as he is soon going to be a father. Your reply was? Don't tell me you're having a baby before marriage. He replied to you, I am married. I got married on October 2003. You asked him was it me that he got married to and he replied yes. Remember?? He even reminded you times and times again to please delete his number. He even mms-ed you our wedding picture to prove it,hoping that you will respect our decisions. But weeks later, you sms him again. Telling him you're in Singapore, on leave. He told you off. You guys got into a heated sms argument.. And then, again we thought it ends there but sorrily, one day, i received a call from a friend. She was only concerned. She asked if I am happy with my marriage. I was taken aback by her question but replied honestly, which is I AM TRULY IN BLISS. She asked me if my husband ever laid hands on me. More surprise. I asked her what's with the question and she told me that she came accross your blog. Read all that you said about him. Of course, she knows who you meant. His name was cleary stated there as Hairul the berok and you even mentioned about his occupation. Anyone that knows you and him will definitely know who you're talking about. ************************************************************************************ Examples: ( AS WRITTEN BY YOU) (CUT & PASTE THEM, YOUR STYLE!) 1.The police, like the useless bunch of Hairuls they are, actually came to probe, snoop and question but they came to no conclusion 2.it is sooo ironic the one guy i had a massive crush on last time (and i mean MASSIVE) is the namesake of the Berok!I mean, the Berok's REAL human name...Hairul. 3.unlike a particular bozo i was with a long time ago (READ:Berok-In-Blue Mat Hairul) who went ballistic over the pictures i took at the Anugerah Planet Muzik 2002 when i was still with Ria. i was the artiste liaison for Anita Sarawak so i had access to all the others too and so i took pictures with some i deem talented and some i deem oh so yummy! apparently to the Berok, my breast was poking into Jai's chest in one pic and Yasin stood too close to me in another and .......aaarrrgghh! He went nuts! I went "HELLO?!" Were we naked in those pics that both Jai and I had a little thrill rush from our breast-chest rendesvous?! I didn't even notice the breast thing until the Berok brought it up and made headlines out of it. And yes, this is the same Berok who SWORE that i was holding TG's hand when in actuality, he was passing my drink back to me! ********************************************************************************** Do you how embarrassed I am?? try being in my shoes and having someone calling you up asking if your dearest husband was a good man. How would you feel. I was truly angered. write all you want about him but there's no need of names mentioning here.. *********************************************************************************** Example: 1.Hairul abused me and like God's gift (for nothing I did to deserve!!) 2.She was in conflict with herself and needed some clarity. My only crime here was that I didn't intend on telling Hairul because, blind as I was, I still could tell Hairul is a possessive freak and would never see the true essence of the situation. He would only see the the 'scandal' waiting to happen and another needless quarrel would ensue. Needless agony. Well, anyway, Hairul hit me. And yeah, I hit him back. Then he'd hit me harder. It's easy for someone to say, leave him! But I grew up in such an emotionally insecure environment, I feel the constant need to have any form of emotional security that even if it comes with lousy boyfriends, I'm up for it. Because at that time, anything could fill the childhood void. And, in any case, 21 was not the smartest age to be, despite all of Hallmark's adulthood propaganda. As a rule, people just don't hit people. Bending the rules would be self-defence, martial arts classes and competitions, boxing matches, wrestling, boys tumbling over each other in locker rooms coz that's their idea of fun and of course, war. Other than that, there's always another way (I wish Bush would see that!). Yeah, you get pissed off once in a while and you not only feel like hitting that person, you want to drive a knife through the offender's heart and feed him/her to the dogs! But what's that gonna make of you? Uncontrollable whacko with an overly violent streak. Yeah, the girl often PMS-es or gets overly emotional and slaps the guy or pokes or shoves him in the chest when they argue. That does not give the guy a reason to hit back. Compared to most girls, most guys are built like trucks. My skinniest guy friend still has more muscle and more strength than my biggest girl friend. I'm not saying girl's are weak. I'm just saying we girls are not actually built to fight physically. We lash out with our toungues and our minds. Bitchy is bitchy for a reason. Even in Enough, Jennifer Lopez's character wins in the end not because she could fight better but because she was so much smarter than her abusive husband. Of course, the story changes for a guy if his girl is a wrestler or built like one, wields a knife at him, points a (loaded) gun at him or if he is just a complete wuss to begin with. Which makes it enough reason for a girl not to waste her time with this Kleenex-for-a-spine penis person. Yes it took me a while, a movie and a stand to tell Hairul to take a long walk off a short pier but I'm glad I did. Hairul is just not a good person. Not just to me, but to the girls before me too. He told me he never hit them before and I was just too much to handle. But his short-temper, mood swings and possessive nature was not something recent. It was his way of life since his first girlfriend. Even his mom told me so but his mom doesn't know he hits too. I never could see during our relationship that he was actually a regular mat because he always tries to hide and deny the matness. I, for one, could never get along with a regular mat before, let alone be in a relationship with one! They find me too eksyen-terror, too banyak cakap and too girlish as opposed to their choice of step maintain, kakak-kakak and extremely well made-up minahs. ********************************************************************************** Even in 2004, his name is never forgotten. There in your entries. I in turn told my mother in law that i would like to take up a defamation suit against you. She in turn passed the message to a relative. Sadly, you guys are related. But instead of making things better, you called my mother in law. you could have gone through my blog to get me but no you did not. You started telling her about what i wrote in my blog etc etc. And then entry after entry, you never failed to add a little sarcasm on me. On how you detest a Malay wedding bawah block, on having henna on, then about wearing sanggul and tanjak..even abt me having my son names as long as , my wish anyway.. ************************************************************************************* EXAMPLE: 1.We even have names laid out for my son and my daughter and no, they are not feeling totally-mat-salleh names yet they are ambigious enough to be unique. And short enough to spell in kindergarten. ************************************************************************************* Not enough with all these i received hate tags on my fotopages. Fotopage Arggghhh..the list just goes on and on... There's more..like what was said on msn, all the emails. If i ever am to continue, i can end up having two sleepless night..But i am at my full force now.. AS I NEED TO LET YOU KNOW..ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE.. YOU HURT ME HARD AND THEN COME TO ME AND TRY TO BE ALL MISSY NICE.. Coming to my shop, waving madly to me from afar, came nearer and then shake my hand and kissed me on the cheeks..is it that simple?? No apology, no explaination.. but just oh Let's forget abt it.. HELLLOOOOO...What do you think i am??? A puppet??? I want people to please see to what is worth, the painful things that was done unto me. Yet, never once i retaliated, never once i tag this person. I JUST SIMPLY ignored everything. But, now, ignorance is no longer available in my dictionary. You cut and paste a comment that i tagged a friend, used it to gain yourself, kononnya see..diana is making my life a living hell. I so the kesian tau! Yeah right. I could by then write this super duper longest entry of my life but i maintained my cool. I even apologise. But it never seems to end. haunting me with smses. Forcing me to tell you who is the person who told me abt you taking a loan. I thought you said that you did not take a loan?? so why the insecurity there?? And when i replied to all your sms-es with whatever, you made an entry saying that i am a coward? On what? just because i cannot be bothered to entertain childlike mind of yours? I am so tired.. I tried to end things, since i can't do it with you, let's have a family conference and so i send a sms to your mom. Yet what did you do?? You wrote a poem about me and even twisted all the facts. Those who have seen the sms will know who is lying. You twisted everything and make out as if i am an evil person always trying to destroy you. When in actual fact, It was You doing it to me. You may have the pleasure of making my life a living hell. Drag me into the the mud of sheer embarrassment but never, never you dare say anything that could inflict on my son. I shall make sure, who is the author who without regards of whether my son's whole future could be ruined said that I HAD MY SON Even before i am wed. I got married to tutup malu..What malu anyway?? I am still trying to remember if i ever had any miscarriages and abortions before i am wed. let's see, hmmm..was it me or hmmm..can you help me figure this riddle out??? OR SHOULD I CUT & PASTE YOUR EMAIL TO ME??? There is a blogger who was there during my wedding, she was a right hand to my dearest Mak Andam. I was bloodily bleeding..of course, i am referring to my menses here. So malu apa? My ex fiance? ohh please, i am sure that either Nura, a cousin of my ex fiance reads my blog or any other related people of my ex fiance. Please should i post a video here where hubby and me went for visitings to my ex fiance's house during hari raya? Things happened. We were not fated to be together. I got engaged to him but married to Hairul. Is that a crime? I will, in my every strength find out, who the real author to those comments. Kick my ass, pull my hair, slap my face with all the fabricated tales that you could think of and humiliate me, by all means do it. BUT NEVER INCLUDE MY BABIES..Anyone of you. NEVER! For i may be kind and patient but that does not means you can eat me up wholeheartedly.. I am just savouring the moment.. And here i am in full force, venting my thoughts. Retaliate if you must, I do not care anymore. And please, my life means more than a blog. All i ever blog abt was always abt me, my life, my family, my friends.. You??? You have to even diss the brand of camera that i have..come on... A camera too??? What's with that??? You seriously made me of such significant in your life don't you.. And tell others that i am jealous of you??? What??? Me, 26 yrs old, portuguese born, Marketing Manager with a pay cheque of 5k, married with two kids, having own properties, managing own business(My own..not dad) IN SINGAPORE,who takes so much pride in family bonds am jealous of what again are you??? You have got to be kidding me?? yeah true you are superly good in your command of English. but then again, in which way should i feel insecure?? Can just having a good English, brings happiness??? Oh you even have the cheek to say this caption to of course direct it to me.. ********************************************************************************** Cik *** is the head secretary for the principal of Nanyang Poly okay....so if I wanna dig up dirt on any NYP student or know for a fact if someone was REALLY a student of NYP, I can dig it....heh. Juicy juicy stuff, I tell you. ********************************************************************************** So a breach of trust is being performed here??? Can i report this to the authorities then? what is it with you? Did i ask you or any members of your family to pay for my education etc? Oh gosh! Please.. And when i was enjoying myself during my short flight from KL to SG pun affect you? That you need to say i am so over excited over some flight that is sama waktu dgn while you're just back from a long flight. Have you forgotten? I have been travelling around even when i first got to know you for business trip and who were you during those days. Let see an intern or was it some hotel front desk officer. Not to be rude or to look down. Just a gentle reminder. I have never once choose my friends. I don't bother about status. To me what matter most is friendship. It does hurt me to have to say these to you but you have done so much more to hurt me. Remember, when i offered to pay for your blog to be Tracked?? To check on the real culprits behind those anonymous comments that hate tagged you..And what did you tell me? It was a friend of yours by the name of ROZI that was the culprit behind all these. whoever this person is, as claimed by you wanted to be your bridesmaid and during your wedding none of your bridesmaid was talking to her and so she left. Later, sms your fren saying that she is in Swensens with her husband enjoying herself? Remember that? You said you know that i am not the anonymous. But why kept telling others that i tagged you? I challenged you to go ahead and find out the truth. Please do it.. Or would we be surprised that maybe the anonymous was no other than...hmmm...you know lah you..always seeking attention lah kan.. And if anyone should ask me to validate my statement, oh i will..just cut and paste the MSN history. Simple! You told others that you're insecure of me..why? because i know every lil bits about your life. Especially now, since hub family and yours are related.Hah! But then, that;s your life. I do not care an inch about it. What concerns me now is you trying to mess up my life. Let me tell you this, there are many who have read all the smses, emails and stuffs that i have on you. Using your own word, Juicy juicy stuffs i tell you. They were surprised on how you manage to twist everything up. I totally regretted the day that i met you. And I regretted always there listening to your wails and cries whenever you fought with him. Even asking me to be your spy. But of course i very the tak kuasa..No time to entertain childish mind. And you know what, Singapore is small, people know people. No matter how you wag your tongue to cover your dirty laundry, one day it will be out. I do not have to worry. Truth shall prevail. What goes around comes around. Did you remember meeting a friend of mine while on a standby duty?? You asked her so much about me. How i got my nickname etc etc. You told her that you saw her link on my blog and from that day onwards, you have been wanting to meet her. Hellooo??? In your pursuit of getting me hurt and destroy me, you hurt not only me but others(you know who they are) and also YOUR VERY OWN.. Its not easy that you come destroying my life at this hour and the next, you come behaving oh so sweetly that as if nothing had happened. You are such a LIAR! A very daring one. Knowing you, you will sure try to hide your skin but its ok. God is fair. Just let me get through this pregnancy easier. You have done so much harm during my other two pregnancy. I am putting a stop to it. I will not in anyway give you a chance to destroy me and make me weak. A lot of damages was inflicted on me. Do give it a rest. I M Human..Like you, i have feelings, so please spare some thoughts for me. Whatever happened between you and my hubby is something none of us here care, even me. Do not hate me and anyone of mine just because you hated him. Just do not implicate us. Enough is Enough! Please let me breathe and move along with my life, even if my life means nothing to you. For now, this is all i shall say. Need more? Step on my toes and you'll have the bash of your life. I shall just cut and paste al..lagi senang.. I'll let everyone see the craziness that you did unto me. Oh ya, please do not forget to pay the $200 that you owe us. Do i need to refresh you on that one? Let's see. You lost your dad's digi and had to replace it but sadly you do not have enough cash and so you borrowed from him. Remember? Its been long overdue you know. You did promise me to pay but hah..habuk pun takder. Or do i need to cut and paste the promise that you made to me? On another note, People, this is between me and her! I have been very patient but patience have their limits don't they? As quoted by a friend of mine, evaluate yourself before judging others. We do the sum, you do the math. I have been keeping my cool and now it feels so much better to let out...ahhh.. Sorry eh if my English not that good to convince all of you but I'm sure its easy enough to be digested kan.. Thank you for reading. Heh!